


The Riverlands Gang Go to the Zoo

by NaomiGnome



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, F/M, Fluff and Crack, ITS HYLES POV LOL, POV Outsider, oh my god this is just crack mixed with a poor attempt at canon-ish events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26050402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaomiGnome/pseuds/NaomiGnome
Summary: Hyle thinks that this team-building exercise is the perfect time to make his move.Or Jaime, Brienne, Pod and Hyle go to the zoo against their will.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 36
Kudos: 157
Collections: Jaime x Brienne Fic Exchange 2020





	The Riverlands Gang Go to the Zoo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dame_Lazarus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dame_Lazarus/gifts).



> Hi! So this was the original exchange fic that I had drafted up, but when I had completed it, it didn't feel like I had done the prompts justice. So I wrote the other one. But as we're approaching the reveal time for the fics, I figured, why not in good fun post this. 
> 
> This was for Dame_Lazarus' prompts:
> 
> 1\. A secret is revealed  
> 2\. Jaime and Brienne work together
> 
> A few things:  
> 1\. Jaime and Brienne are work equals in this, and there are no policies against work relationships.  
> 2\. UI design is the kind of design that covers how things like apps and websites *look* while UX design focuses on functionality of buttons and usually the coding involved in making those buttons work. 
> 
> I hope you like it! :)

From Brienne’s other side, Hyle heard Lannister mutter, “This team building exercise is just an excuse for Catelyn to bring her kids to the zoo.”

Brienne hushed him and gave the team-building representative her full, undivided attention. The team building exercise wasn’t an excuse for Catelyn to bring her kids to the zoo (although a majority of her children were present), but instead, a scavenger hunt around King’s Landing Zoo. 

The manic-eyed team-building representative, who called herself Lysa explained, “You will be in teams of four. In your team of four, you will follow the clues given in the kit handed out to you. In each area of the zoo, there will be a landmark, feature, or animal to take a photo of. The instant camera, also in your scavenger kit, is the tool you will use to take photo evidence that your group has successfully figured out the clue. There will be seven clues, one photo for each section of the zoo. When you finish there will be a prize!! Please find the kit with your names on it, and that will be your group of four.” 

Lysa made eyes at Jaime Lannister, and Hyle rolled his own. Of course, she was smitten with him. The only person who _seemed_ to be unaffected by Jaime Lannister’s insufferable charm was Brienne. The irony of it was not lost on Hyle, although he reasoned that Brienne was as pragmatic as himself. They both knew what prospects were within their reach. In fact, Hyle was secretly pleased about the turn of events; he would use this opportunity to get closer to Brienne, and ask her out. She had been skittish these past few weeks, something sending her into intense flush (anger or embarrassment or shyness, Hyle was really rolling the dice on which) and Hyle was hoping to provide her some comfort. He was also hoping she would provide him with a cut of her family wealth. They were both pragmatic like that. 

Hyle found his name on a basket kit in between Brienne's and her intern’s name, Podrick. The fourth was a name he didn't recognize, a 'Cleos Frey'. In the basket sat a zoo map, a sheet of paper with 'A Game of Zoo-nes' written in big serial-killer letters, and an instant camera. 

Brienne approached, with Podrick close behind. Hyle offered his most earnest, most charming smile, “Glad we’re on a team together, Brienne. It’ll make this exercise so much more bearable.”

Brienne hummed in agreement (he thought, he wasn’t entirely sure), and began to look through the kit, eyeing the map and skimming the clues.

Hyle plowed on, “Although, I don’t know who Cleos is. Can’t say I’ve ever worked with him before.”

Brienne looked up, or rather looked down to meet Hyle’s eyes with a blue that made him think of the blue lobster from that really fancy restaurant he had been to once. She gestured silently to look behind him, and when he turned to look she spoke in that low voice of hers, “That’s Cleos.” 

‘Cleos’ was speaking with Jaime Lannister, who in contrast with Lannister’s wide gestures and strutting smile, looked like he would rather be dead than here at the zoo. Hyle supposed he looked capable enough, he was vastly preferable to--

“Pixel!” Lannister called out mockingly, as he sauntered over to their group of three. “Looks like we’re all grouped up for this quest!”

Brienne looked disgruntled, if the quick-flush of red spread roughly across her pale face had anything to say about it, and started, “Jaime, you’re not part of our assigned group.”

“I am now. Cleos took an arrow for the team, and switched with me.” He grinned. 

“Jaime,” Catelyn approached them with a stern moue of her mouth, “The whole point of the exercise is that you interact with fellow colleagues and equals that you _don’t_ already know well.” 

Lannister answered easily, “Nonsense! I don’t need to interact with any other colleagues. Everyone I’d ever need is right here.” 

He slung his arm awkwardly (not as awkwardly as it would’ve been for Hyle) around Brienne’s shoulders, and grinned at both her and Podrick. Brienne’s face got even more splotchy, but she made no effort to move away. Podrick looked elated. 

Catelyn raised her eyebrow, “Jaime, please be professional. This is not a date, this is a team building exercise.” 

Jaime laughed, “Pixel and I are the most professional people in the whole firm.”

Catelyn shook her head and said before walking away, “She is more professional than you will ever hope to be.”

Hyle couldn’t shake the feeling that he had missed something crucial, but there were more pressing matters. How on earth was he going to get closer to Brienne with Lannister eating up her attention and making her upset?

**THE RIVERLANDS**

_Welcome to the Riverlands!! As the name suggests, the Riverlands are famous for the rivers and the fish that occupy them! In order to make sure that fish do not over populate these rivers, they have a very important predator. This predator’s role maintains the population of the fish. Find this predator and snap a picture. We at the King’s Landing Zoo are sure he can bear the attention._

_And speaking of important roles! Introduce yourselves to your team members, and what role you play at the company._

Hyle peered down into what could only be described as a bear pit. He wondered briefly if they could climb out of their open space habitats. He cleared his throat to get the others attention, mainly Lannister and Podrick, “Well, Brienne already knows what I do at Direwolf Agency. My name is Hyle Hunt, and I am the leading Customer Support Agent.” He puffed up his chest proudly.

Podrick piped up with a stutter, “Podrick Payne! I’m an i-i-i-intern for the UX d-d-division of Direwolf Agency!”

Brienne offered Podrick a warm smile and Hyle was surprised to find himself slightly grumpy that her big lips were not pointed in his direction. More surprisingly, Lannister also looked slightly put out. 

Brienne, still looking at the bear, said, “Well, you all know me. I’m Brienne, I work as a UX designer at Direwolf Agency.” 

Lannister followed seamlessly, “And I’m Jaime Lannister, UI designer. But you all know that.”

Hyle did know that. Hyle knew that Lannister worked exclusively with Brienne, mostly because Hyle suspected no other UX designer in the firm could put up with Lannister and his outrageous concepts and suggestions for designs. When they had developed the app KINGSLAYER (a historical puzzle game where you match three kings to eliminate them from a board), no one else could keep up. When the game won an award, Jaime Lannister had said in his speech, “Brienne is my equal in every way, I send her out to do something, and she gets it done.” The speech was so warm and fond, it made Hyle’s skin crawl. 

Hyle was broken out of his reverie by Jaime’s sly remark and his hands mockingly tipping her over from the waist towards the bear pit. 

“Jaime!” 

“Pixel!” he said laughingly, “You know if you fell in the bear pit, I would jump after you without a second thought.” 

“You need to have a first thought in order to have a second one.” Brienne said dryly. 

Jaime just laughed as Podrick clicked the shutter button of the camera. The bear only grunted in response. 

**THE REACH**

_Welcome to the Reach! Now in Westeros, the Reach is famous for holding a variety of flora and fauna! And here at the King’s Landing Zoo, we have a wide variety of those plants! Among the most famous is your next photo! They come in all varieties, red, white, yellow, pink, and they bloom in the spring and summer. It was made famous by the tragic play of Florian and Jonquil._

_Talk to your team members about your strengths and what you hope to grow on within the company!_

Hyle saw his chance as Podrick diligently snapped a photo of a Highgarden rose. 

“Brienne!” he called to her and gestured to the salesman closeby, “Let me buy you a rose!” 

Brienne turned a mottled pink, and Lannister looked irate. Sucks for him that he didn’t think of it first. Brienne stammered out forcefully, “No, thank you.”

Hyle pushed his luck, “C’mon, it’s a flower. Every woman deserves flowers.” 

The rose-cart salesman guffawed, “Yeah lady! Every ‘woman’ deserves flowers. You should take the guy up on his offer. It’s all you’re probably going to get.” 

The entire group stiffened. Before Hyle could blink, Jaime lunged and the salesman was on the ground clutching his face, Lannister standing murderously over him. Nearby, the salesman’s name tag reading ‘RON’ in being floral type clattered to a stop. 

“ _Jaime_.” Brienne hissed. 

She dragged him away before any more scene could be caused, Podrick diligently following behind. _Dammit_. 

**DORNE**

_Welcome to Dorne!! Dorne is famous for a lot of trade with Essos, particularly the Dothraki Horse-lords. Luckily, here at the zoo, you can pet one of the Dothraki’s main trades! That’s right, a petting zoo! There’s always time to horse around a little!_

_Ask your teammates about their homes, are they from King’s Landing or did they move to the city?_

Hyle petted the neck of a large pale, blonde horse good naturedly. He called out to Brienne, hoping Lannister would not hear, “Come look Brienne! This one reminds me of you!” 

Lannister had that disgruntled expression on his face again (showing that he did hear), and Hyle was beginning to get a little joy every time he was able to make Brienne blush. He was getting closer! 

Brienne mumbled, voice simmering with an emotion he couldn’t name (but he hoped was lust), “Really how do you think?”

“Well, it’s big and beautiful,” Hyle declared, “And blonde and strong and---” 

Jaime Lannister cut him off with a sneer, “Sounds like you want to fuck the horse, Kyle.” 

Brienne flushed even redder as Hyle spluttered, “Of course not! I would never fuck a horse!”

“Really?” A voice behind them asked. They all turned to the source of the voice, a large red-headed bearded man wearing a zoo uniform and a nametag that read ‘TORMUND’. He continued thoughtfully and with a wild grin, “I don’t think it would be too bad, assuming of course that the horse could consent.”

Podrick clicked the shutter as the other three gaped. 

**THE VALE**

_This is the Vale! Famous for its birds big and little! Your photo goal is to take a photo of this famous statue depicting the famous Eyrie. It has a rich history, and maybe you’ll see some birds along the way!_

_Ask about your teammates’ hobbies!_

Hyle was about to put a smooth line on Brienne. But suddenly---

“Is that Sansa?” 

The red headed girl in question was being spoken to by an older man who gave Hyle the heebie jeebies. 

“Sansa!” Sansa looked up tearfully, and Brienne rushed forward, backed by Lannister and Podrick. 

The weaselly looking man fled as Sansa met Brienne. 

“I got lost cause stupid Arya went running off and mother had to go chase her. And then that man said he knew my mother, but he was so scary.” 

Brienne wiped the tears from Sansa’s eyes, “It’s fine Sansa, you can stay with us until we run into your mother again.” 

**THE STORMLANDS**

_The Stormlands are famous for all sorts of sea creatures and delicacies. Among them is the famous shellfish you will be taking a picture of. There is a statue of it within the Stormlands area, portraying it at its fully erect state. At forty inches long, it is the longest shellfish native to Westeros._

_Ask your teammates about their long term goals!_

The team of four plus Sansa stared at the statue of ‘THE TARTH GEODUCK’. Hyle thought it was monstrous thing, resembling-- 

Sansa looked disgusted, “That looks like a giant penis.”

Brienne was approaching nuclear shades of red again, and Lannister looked like he was fighting a laugh. 

Podrick clicked the shutter of the camera and looked at the regurgitated photo. He frowned, “It didn’t fit.” 

Jaime guffawed as they heard a battle cry in the distance. Hyle watched as a small girl jumped on the statue of the geoduck with a yell, and proceeded to beat the phallic monument with what appeared to be a stick. 

Sansa cried out, “Arya!!!” 

“Arya!!!” they heard Catelyn’s voice, “Arya you cannot keep running off like that! Oh Sansa! I thought you were behind me.” 

As the Stark matriarch reunited with her daughters, Lannister stifled his giggles as best he could. Hyle sighed, this day was not turning out how he planned at all. 

**THE WESTERLANDS**

_Welcome to the Westerlands!! Famous for the endangered animal that is the photo goal for this area. Made famous by the movie The [redacted] King, featuring the hit Dysney song ‘The Rains of Castamere’. Maybe you’ll hear them roar!_

_Ask your teammates what makes them roar! What makes them brave or what scares them._

The lion pit, surprisingly, was a lot lower than the bear pit, with thick iron bars topping the opening.  
Hyle heard Lannister mutter coyly, “I know what makes _you_ roar, Pixel.”

“ _Shut up._ ” 

Podrick snapped the photo of the lion, while Hyle watched them interlope beneath the bars. 

“Pixel! Pixel! Watch this!” Lannister stuck his damn hand in between the bars. 

“Jaime! Don’t do that! The lion could snap at you!” 

“Nonsense--this lion senses one of its own. Don’t you--AAH!” 

Jaime pulled his hand just in time as one of the lionesses made a jump and claw at his outstretched hand. Behind them a very bored voice of the zookeeper called out, “No hands between the bars! Our lioness, Cersei, will attack if provoked.” 

Lannister clutched annoyingly at Brienne’s sleeve, holding his right hand over his mouth in faux-shock, “Pixel, I could’ve lost my hand!” 

**THE NORTH**

_BRRR! It’s cold up here in the north. Amongst the animals that live up here, the most famous is your next picture. Fun fact about these animals! When mating, the male’s penis expands and the female’s vulva contracts so they get stuck, also called a **knot**. It is thought that it is a way to ensure that the impregnation is completed and other males do not mate during the process. It only shrinks and allows them to separate after the male has deposited his genetic material. A howling good time if you ask us!_

_Ask about if there are any special people in your team members life. Maybe a family? Children? A significant other? Friends?_

“Who wrote these clues?!” Brienne was as red as Hyle had ever seen her. 

As Podrick snapped a picture of the direwolves in their open enclosure, Hyle figured it was time to shoot his shot. Lannister had stepped away much earlier to answer an emergency phone call from his sister and Brienne’s dedication to fulfilling the scavenger hunt as correctly and thoroughly as possible would force her to answer him. 

“Brienne, I’m not attached to anyone... but I think you and I--”

“Pixel!!” Jaime called out and came up to them huffing and out of breath. 

“Jaime!” Brienne looked surprised but pleased (Hyle was not pleased about it). “You didn’t need to come all the way across the park, we’re heading back to the Crownlands area after this.” 

“Of course I needed to come Pixel,” Lannister said, catching his breath and smiling, “I promised I would come North for you.” 

**THE CROWNLANDS**

_Congratulations on finishing the scavenger hunt! You have made it back to the Crownlands! Your reward awaits you! As a final photo, take a group picture of your team and claim your prize!_

Hyle tried his best to sidle as close to Brienne as possible as Podrick held out the camera in a selfie angle, but Lannister wedged his head in between him and Brienne, pressing his cheek up against Brienne’s very red cheek. 

The shutter went off, Hyle wasn’t sure if he blinked. 

The prize as it turned out as a 50% coupon at the gift shop for each of them. As they perused the shop, Hyle contemplated buying something for Brienne to make his intentions known. From the corner of his eyes, he watched Lannister present Brienne with a light-up blue sword and a plastic lion pommel. 

“Jaime, put that back.” 

“Oh no, Pixel, I got it for you. It’s yours now. It’s always gonna be yours.” He said with a grin. 

Hyle accidentally knocked over a display of heart shaped stones as he watched Jaime Lannister pull Brienne into a light kiss.

Nearby, he motioned to Podrick, “Intern! Podrick! Look!”

Podrick looked but didn’t seem alarmed. 

Hyle looked abashed, “Did you know about this?”

Podrick nodded, “Ms. Tarth and Mr. Lannister d-d-don’t hide it really. Mr. Lannister does tease Ms. Tarth an awful lot in the office though, but she married him so I guess she knew what she was getting into.”

 _”Married?!_ ” 

*****

Catelyn settled into her minivan. Lysa spoke through the speaker phone. 

“What’s the plan for next year? An aquarium?”

“Well, this was merely the King’s Landing branch of Direwolf Agency. Next year, we want to be able to include all of our employees across Westeros, instead of just having them interact within their own branches.” 

“How many employees do you have?”

“About one hundred and two, give or take.”

“What did you have in mind with that many people?”

“Well, we were thinking about a letter exchange.”

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> I had so much fun doing this exchange. Many thanks to the mods for organizing such a fun event.


End file.
